Hitting the Wall

Yes! I am beginning to read Anne Lamott's latest book, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith, and am already hooked. I'll give a full review when I finish the book and find time to post.

Wade Hodges, who preaches for the Garnett Church of Christ in Tulsa, Oklahoma, has an interesting post on his blog today. You can read it below or link to www.wadehodges.com

The post is interesting to me because the congregation where I serve is going through a transitional process, which will determine much about our future. Some people will embrace the vision put forth by the elders and ministers, while others will reject it. Some will embrace it to a point and provide valuable insight and advice about how we can make it even better.

One of three things will happen: 1) the church will begin to grow; 2) the church will continue to decline; or 3) the church will split. Of course, one could say that every congregation in America is in the same boat, but when you actually verbalize the three possibilities it hits hard.

Anyway, enjoy Wade's post ...

Why People Leave
Filed under: Garnett, Leadership — Wade @ 4:05 pm

When someone leaves a church to go somewhere else, they are almost never leaving solely because of the reason they give on the way out the door. They are leaving for a cluster of reasons. They’ve been disappointed a number of times with the direction of the church. Their core beliefs have been dinged up and offended. They’ve seen good friends leave for their own reasons. Their kids aren’t having fun.They’ve lost their job. They owe someone in the church money. They feel ignored by their small group. All of those things start to add up.

The way it usually works is that they accumulate a long list of reasons for why they’re thinking about leaving. Then something happens that functions as a trigger mechanism. It could be the most innocuous of changes or it could be a misunderstood comment from a shepherd. Once their switch is flipped, they’re gone. They will almost always only tell you what flipped their switch and not go into all the other things that have brought them to this decision.

Why is this important to know?

First, this means that congregational leaders and their critics can’t oversimplify why people are leaving. It’s not just the music or the children’s program or the sorry state of the parking lot. It’s more than that. If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to oversimplify this issue at Garnett I’d be able to go to the bank and cash in my coins and take my fam to Disneyland.

Second, if you really want to know why someone is leaving you’ve got to sit down with them and ask lots of questions and do lots of listening. If you ask good questions and sit there in silence long enough, you just might come away with a semi-accurate understanding of why they’re leaving. Maybe. They still might not tell you the whole story.

It’s no secret that we’ve had several hundred folks leave Garnett over the past few years. I’m always being asked why so many people have left. The truth is that I don’t know. Everyone wants a simple answer. They want to believe that there is one main reason that explains it all. One big mistake that was made. One controversial sermon that pushed them over the edge.

I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.

Almost all of them had a stated reason for leaving. The moved. They died. They didn’t like the student minister. They didn’t like that we didn’t have a student minister. They didn’t think I was conservative enough. They didn’t think we were mission-minded enough. They didn’t like the way we did communion. They didn’t think our doctrine of the Holy Spirit was robust enough.The list goes on.

Those were all the stated reasons for their departure, but I promise you, except for those who moved or died, it is much more complicated than that.

The only thing more mysterious to me than why some people leave is why some people stay.

The Wave

The terms "hot and humid" are synonymous with life in the deep South during the months of July, August and September.

This is the roughest time of the year (in terms of weather) to live in Louisiana.

But, like most things in life, it is a trade-off.

North of the Ohio River, the summers are typically mild. Of course, there are days of extreme heat, but those days do not compare with the relentless hold that heat and humidity maintain on Louisiana until October.

However, the winters North of the Ohio are what prove to be the roughest part of living up North. The beautiful fall season gives way to a winter season that will last from November-March (and sometimes April).

So, while we pray for cool weather in the South come October; those in the North pray for warm temperatures throughout the month of March.

Each part of the country has its positives and negatives. No place is perfect.

Temperatures change. Weather patterns are unpredictable.

Come to think of it, people and weather have a lot in common.

People change. People's behaviors tend to be unpredictable.

This is what makes ministry so exciting and challenging. There is no concrete "can't-miss" formula for interacting with people.

Yet, this does not negate the importance of interaction.

People are constantly in flux -- in transition. So, it follows, that since people are this way, then churches will follow suit.

Every church is in transition.

Every church is in flux.

While creating an imaginary "congregational history" or attempting to hold to an unreliable "status quo," the fact remains that we are fluid ... and so are the congregations we attend.

Our perpetual state of movement offers to us a reminder that Jesus is continuing to transform our lives -- our very hearts and minds. We are becoming more and more what God made us to become. (the technical word for this is sanctification).

Movement, with a focus on God, is good movement.

Don't be afraid to ride the wave.

Heavier Than Heaven

Last week, I finished reading Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain by Charles Cross. The book, originally released in 2001, reached the New York Times' Bestsellers List and has been described as one of the most honest books about the life and death of Cobain.

The book is well worth the read. However, a word of caution is in order. While Cross is respectful of Cobain, he still paints a picture as close to reality as possible. Cross spent about four years and conducted 400 interviews before writing the book. He was given access to Cobain's journals (before they were published) and spent time with members of Cobain's family, friends, and bandmates.

Cobain forever changed music as the frontman for Nirvana. Yet Cobain was a tortured soul, who while appearing extremely irreverent at times, also showed a deep longing to be loved ... even by God. Some of his journal entries are addressed to God and the words show a man in desperate need of something greater.

Interestingly, Cross points to the divorce of Cobain's parents when the boy was only 9-years-old as the primary contributing factor for the depression he never could conquer throughout his life. Even though he found support from his grandparents, and later his wife, Cobain was forever haunted by what had happened to his own family. The birth of his daughter, Frances, seemed to provide some healing, but even his love for his daughter could not prevent him from indulging in the habit that cost him his life.

Cobain found solace in heroin (which he always spelled heroine). But the heroin proved to be his downfall. His suicide was a combination of a shotgun blast through the roof of his mouth, and a deadly injection of heroin in his veins.

One of the most emotional scenes in the book is when his longtime friend Krist Novoselic (also the bass player for Nirvana) attempted to take Kurt to rehab after Kurt had agreed to go. When they got to the airport, Kurt changed his mind. The two friends wound up wrestling on the floor in the airport. Eventually, Kurt got loose, screaming obscenities at his friend while running way. The last thing Krist saw was Kurt's moppy blond hair round a corner. It was the last time Krist would see his friend alive.

Read the book to learn. It will trouble you. It will haunt you.

It is the story of how one man changed the world through his music, but never found healing for his deepest hurts.

Biblical Messiness

Every major world religion seems to have a sacred book. For Christians, the book is the Bible. It is the most influential document for adherents of the Christian faith.

The Bible has been called "a rule book," a "blueprint for living," and an "owners' manual for life." All such titles degrade the immense importance of the Bible for followers of Christ.

I mean, c'mon, most of us only look at an owner's manual for something when everything else has failed.

We bought a refrigerator this summer. Upon being delivered, we plugged it in, hooked up the water line for the ice maker, and threw the owner's manual in a drawer somewhere in the house. The only thing that would make us go looking for the manual and actually read it, is if something went wrong with the refrigerator. So, when we refer to the Bible as an "owner's manual" we are basically saying that this is a good book when you are in crisis mode, but other than that, just keep it in a drawer in the house somewhere.

Is that really how we want to portray the Bible?

The Bible (according to its own words) is "living, active and useful." It is not merely a history textbook or a science manual, nor is it simply a collection of stories. The Bible is alive.

And therein lies a problem.

If the Bible is alive, and we claim to follow the Bible, then how do we live out Scripture?

By interpreting Scripture.

By finding the meaning behind the events depicted in the Bible.

By asking, "what does the Bible mean at this time and in this place for me?"

More to come ...

The Tyranny of Captivity

For years, rogue mobs have held churches captive. They draw their lines, pledge their allegiance to their own interests, and are quick to mobilize when a threat emerges.

They are the ones who protest, fault-find, and metaphorically attempt to cut off any vestige of progress, if it is not of their own creation.

Hiding behind the guise of "concern" and "noble reasons," they hold churches, particularly church leadership, captive by their "phantom" supporters and subtle threats.

The way to identify such individuals is by their speech. Images are deceiving, but words are revelatory.

Here are some phrases commonly used by the oppressors:

1) "I've talked to a lot of people who are unhappy (and/or concerned)."
2) "Several people have asked me to come talk to the elders."
3) "There are people ready to leave the church."
4) "Many, many people whom I have talked with feel this way."

The rub comes when names are requested. "Oh, they asked me not to tell their names."

So the elders are left to fight phantom critics.

It is WAY PAST TIME FOR SUCH THINGS TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For years, some people have discovered that by using these tactics they can pressure the elders and other church leaders to acquiesce to their demands. They believe that "numbers prove their position is right." But, all they produce are phantom supporters.

Recently at the congregation where I minister two situations have emerged which show the right way and the wrong way to address problems.

The first situation involves a group of people who have met with the elders to express their concerns. They have been honest and upfront. They preceded their meeting with the elders by meetings among themselves to prayerfully make sure they remained focused on exhibiting a Christ-like spirit. Only one person in the group threatened to leave if things did not go as he thinks they should. The rest of the group remains committed to their congregation, although they are unsatisfied in several areas. This is an example of healthy communication. It is void of phantom critics, and subtle threats. It is honest and healthy dialogue.

The second situation occurred with a few individuals who have made rather pointed remarks about the elders. They are self-proclaimed critics, pointing the finger at the elders by chastising plans for the future, and taking subtle shots at the elders. This is a group that does not want honest dialogue, they instead seek to inflict damage by seeking listening ears into which they can pour their criticisms.

Both situations are present at the church where I attend. The first situation sheds a hopeful light that "church-people" can maintain healthy, respectful dialogue, even when they differ in conclusions. The second situation is an example of the captivity that many congregations have experienced for years.

So, what are our options? Here is my suggestion: whenever someone comes to you and criticizes the elders, you stop them by refusing to listen. You tell them to do the biblical thing and talk directly with the elders. If someone is spewing negativity about the congregation where you attend, refuse to listen and tell them to talk with the elders directly.

Until we take a stand by refusing to indulge such sinful activity, we will continue to be held captive.

The result is that elderships are beat up, and congregations are held captive because of the bully tactics of a few.

THIS MUST END, and it is up to the good men and women in congregations all across the world to stand up to church bullies.

History of Transformation

What does the future hold for Churches of Christ?

Since I deal mainly with what has happened, such a prophetic question proves almost impossible to correctly answer. Prognostications fall and rise as often as the ocean's tide, thus making the business of future-telling all the more precarious.

Despite the inability to completely predict the future, we can find clues to what lies ahead of us by studying our past. The stories told by our past, serving as a complement to the sacred Scriptures, prove to be capable tutors and guides as we navigate the future.

Here is one lesson our past teaches us:

1) Noble aspirations easily degrade into selfish agendas. I imagine that many adherents in Churches of Christ would be surprised and shocked by the ecumenical spirit of the pioneers of the American Restoration Movement. The ARM emphasized a commitment to biblical authority, but the Movement also promoted a destruction of the denominational walls that divided self-professed Christians. Despite arguing vigorously for certain scriptural principles, the early leaders of the ARM did not section themselves off and declare those who held different opinions as apostates with no regard for the Bible.

Unfortunately, as the Movement "matured" (I use that term loosely), the early commitments of the Movement changed. Instead of bridging the gap between followers of Christ, ARM leaders began drawing lines in the sand. All kinds of loaded expressions were used as an attempt to legitimize such actions (e.g. "we can't fellowship those in error"). What the study of history shows us is that such campaigns were merely attempts to protect turf. Territorial lines were drawn and preachers worked hard to maintain their turf. In all fairness, however, this is not how such wrangling was portrayed and this is not a problem that belonged solely to Churches of Christ (Baptists and Methodists did the same thing, sometimes to an even greater degree).

In order for such lines to be drawn, issues had to be seized. Every group needs a rallying call. So for the Churches of Christ, the issues became instrumental music and missionary societies. Leaders in the acappella Churches of Christ proclaimed that God had clearly delivered a verdict on both matters. In their attempt to prove the sinfulness of using instruments in worship and supporting missionary societies, leaders in the Churches of Christ called people to what they termed a "logical, rational, common-sense" approach to the Bible. Basically, this meant that they felt the positions they espoused were obvious to anyone with even a scintilla of common sense. Out of this thinking came a three-prong method for interpreting the Bible: 1) look for a command; 2) search for an example; and 3) when there is neither command or example, develop a necessary inference. And so the Bible turned into a sword of battle for the Churches of Christ. Yet, the sword, as they used it, was without divine authorization.

Sadly, in the development of complex arguments, vicious debates, and "proof-texting," the Bible became a rather easily-manipulated book, instead of the life-changing, Holy Spirit-inspired words that had guided and transformed Christ-followers since the first generation.

Certain issues became excuses for division. They were held up as God-sanctioned reasons for withdrawing from others, but the reality was and still is in most cases that these are simply excuses. If a person does not want a relationship with someone else, then all one has to do is find an issue to foster the division and prevent reconciliation. Religious groups do the same thing.

So, here is where part of my transformation enters. I am a life-long member of the acappella Churches of Christ. My families' involvement in Churches of Christ extends back at least four(probably five) generations. My parents were educated at a university affiliated with the Churches of Christ, as were an uncle and an aunt of mine. My grandmother was a "dorm mother" for this same university. My wife and I both attended and graduated from this university affiliated with the Churches of Christ. When I was 12-years old I was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins. Now I have served as a minister in the acappella Churches of Christ for 13 years.

My point is simply that I am not an outsider, and embrace much about my heritage. But I have reached the conclusion that our methods of biblical interpretation are not infallible, and our attitudes at times are simply anti-Christ.

The congregation where I minister has acappella worship assemblies. There are no plans to bring in instruments, nor should there be. A number in the congregation believe that what we do is a matter of heritage, preference, and even how we choose to interpret the Bible. I believe likewise.

As such, I have made attempts to bridge the gap between those in the independent Christian churches. I have also developed friendships with Christians who are part of churches outside the American Restoration Movement. There is much work to be done. The conclusion that I have reached is that we can maintain a strong commitment to biblical authority and break down the walls of division. We will not reach unanimity on all the issues of the Christian faith, but we can do so much good if we will stop exerting our energy on defending our territories.

If this is impossible, then Jesus prayed an impossible prayer.