Running

Who turned off the lights?
Who locked the door?
Why does the light blind my sight?
Have I been here before?

This world of trouble
Prevents me from getting back here
Living outside the bubble
Replacing faith with fear

Tom Petty sings on the radio:
"You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace"

And my gas tank reads empty
Merged with a confused soul
The sign says, "Empathy" next exit
But the town was swallowed into a hole
That came from a tremor
That emanated from a cry

Who turned off the lights?
Who locked the door?

So I keep running

Love's Display

The counseling minister at the congregation where I attend has recently preached a series of sermons entitled, "Restoration, Fellowship and Joy." Although I have not been present for any of the sermons (out-of-town), I have listened to them online. The words reminded me of some lyrics by Ed Roland of Collective Soul:

As my seasons change
I've grown to know
When one's heart creates
One's soul doesn't owe

So I wash away the stains of yesterday
Then tempt my heart with love's display

The spiritual allusions are powerful. In Christianity, we find the promise of restoration through a ritual (baptism) that washes away our stains of yesterday (sins). We also find ourselves coming face-to-face with love's display (God's love as seen through the crucifxion of Jesus).

To me, the song speaks of grace (a subject I am still attempting to understand). However, I have learned alot from a 19th century preacher named Barton Stone who worked hard for the unity of all followers of Christ. Near the end of his life, as he was on his deathbed, the story is told of a time his doctor, D.T. Morton, came to see him. Morton remarked, "Father Stone, you have been much persecuted on account of the peculiarities of your teaching. Are you willing to die in the faith you have so long taught to others?" Stone answered that he was, that he believed that he had taught the truth, and that he had tried to live what he had preached to others. "But," he added, "it is not by works of righteousness that I have done, but according to his mercy that he saved me … It is of grace, it is all of grace."

Amen, Brother Stone. Amen.

July 24, 1993

Today is my anniversary.

On this day, 13 years ago I married an amazing woman. Her name is Mendy and she has been a blessing from God.

We met while attending a junior college in West Virginia. We were in a freshman English class together. We talked some, but it was not until the second semester that we actually got to know each other. The date took place on Superbowl Sunday and we ate at a local restaurant called Don Emilio's. Mendy wore a black and white outfit and looked beautiful. After that first date I remarked to my roommate, "That's the girl I am going to marry."

We continued to date and on November 7, 1992, I proposed to Mendy on the same exact spot where my Dad had proposed to my Mom 25 years previously. Mendy said "yes" and little did I know how much she was going to bless my life.

Mendy has taught me so much. She is patient. She loves unconditionally. She understands grace much better than I do. She is forgiving. She does not hold grudges. She is determined. Her compassion is evident in the way she parents our children. She is the best wife I could have, and I have no doubt that God is the one who brought us together.

There have been times when I have put Mendy to the test. I have not valued her like I should. I have concentrated on her faults instead of being thankful for her strengths. I have wronged her. I have not always been the husband she deserves. Yet, she loves me -- each day she loves me with a love that is so rare in this world.

When Mendy hurts, I hurt. When people wrong her, I become upset. She deserves the highest praise and the best of everything. When I look back on these years of marriage, I realize my faults and it pains me deeply. Yet, the grace she showers me with reminds me that love does stand the test of time. Mendy is even more beautiful today than she was when I watched her walk down the aisle on July 24, 1993.

There are four decisions in life I can confidently say that I will never regret:
1) My baptism
2) My decision to ask Mendy to marry me
3) Our decision to have a little girl named Hannah
4) Our decision to have a little boy named Drew

Thank you, Mendy.

I love you ... and that means forever.

Specifics

The complexities of life merge with the awaiting unknown to create a spectacle of confusion which runs parallel with certainty.

Of course, confusion and certainty do not usually run parallel with each other. We tend to think of the two concepts as being at odds with each other. If I am confused, then I am uncertain. If I am certain, then my thoughts are marked by clarity.

What brings the two in harmony is knowing the will of God. Unfortunately, such an endeavor is the height of complexity.

Knowing the will of God in a general sense is rather simple. He desires to have a relationship with us. He also desires that we live in a certain way, and He desires that we share our relationship with others. His love for us is affirmed throughout the pages of Holy Writ, His mercy and grace are exclaimed in bold letters, and His unshakable patience strikes the pages of both the Old and New Testaments.

Yet, knowing the will of God in a specific sense is much more complicated. Consider these questions:

1) What job does God want me to take?
2) Where does God want me to live?
3) What congregation does God want me to attend?
4) How does God want me to spend my day off?
5) Where does God want me to vacation?
6) What does God want me to wear today?
7) What activities should my children be involved in?

The list is easily added to, but the point is already manifest: when it comes to the specifics, God's will seems hidden. For some of us, we operate as though we are in charge and these questions in relation to God's will are moot. "I am going to do what I think is best" we reason to ourselves. However, if Scripture be true, then we are to do the will of God in all things. "But, seriously, does God care what job I have or the route I drive to work?" Why should He not care?

Living within generalities brings with it a certain comfort, but living in a specific manner -- knowing and following the specific will of God -- takes us to an entirely different level.

Try this: take your specific question, write it down, and place it before God. Establish a "sacred" place, somewhere that you have deemed a place to commune with God. Place the question before Him and wait for His answer. It may take days, weeks, months or even years -- but wait.

As David once wrote, "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him" (Psalm 62:5).