Cynical Optimism

Lately I have found myself in a terrible struggle. I believe it is a spiritual struggle that influences me emotionally, mentally and physically (as all spiritual struggles do).

I find that my not-yet-redeemed body is overpowering my redeemed spirit (inner man). In the process, I am having trouble living a life marked by joy. It has become too easy to embrace negativity. The slide into apathy follows close behind.

Now because of the nature of my profession, these are difficult things to publicly admit (of course, those who actually read this blog are part of the blessed few. Ha!).

Another result of this struggle is a growing cynicism toward the church. Since my background is churches of Christ, the cynicism is directed toward churches of Christ. In particular, I am becoming cynical about the congregation where my family attends.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to pick and choose verses from the Bible that fit our preconceived notions or beliefs? Has it not become apparent that we have sacrificed unity to preserve our sacred interpretations and creeds? Does anyone else see that somewhere down the line we blurred the distinction between unity and uniformity?

It is not just a disturbing lack of interest in unity that gets to me. I also have a hard time reconciling unethical behavior and the obivious disregard of Scripture that I see.

So, need any more proof of my newly-acquired disease called cynicism?

Of course, I know that there are those who are "walking the walk" and who still believe that what unites us is stronger than what divides us. I know that there are people who walk among us who live passionate lives of spiritual service to God. There are still saints.

Yet, my vision is blurred at the present time and I am asking God for clarification. I still believe, but my heart is having a hard time staying on the same level as my mind.